Marriage is one of the oldest customs known to us. It is difficult to answer about why a couple would like to marry, if they can live together even otherwise. But marriages are considered a proper union worldwide in most cultures and religions.
If one looks at a married couple, one can plot a graph of happiness in marriage and the years of married life. With most of the couples, one may find that the happiness decreases as the years pass. There may be many reasons for this, and every study will bring out newer results. Let us think about how a married couple can have a marriage of hearts that will have happiness forever like we find in books of fiction.
How does one define a marriage of hearts? One way of saying would be, that both the partners are very emotionally attached to each other. They care for their partner. Their thoughts become one, their views become one and they live with each other in all the senses. There are no compromises. Look around yourself and you will find the neighborhood full of marriages where compromise is a way of life. What true joy can a marriage full of compromises can give?
True togetherness comes with the marriage of hearts. How to make one’s marriage a marriage of hearts? The first step should be absolute openness about everything. To begin with, tell your partner about everything that you feel about him/her and about yourself. All of us do self talk, Isn’t it? We talk to ourselves. During this kind of talk, we are very open, because we don’t worry about the reactions. Let your talk with your partner become something like self talk. Openness gives two benefits. One – your partner knows very precisely about your views, your likes and your dislikes. So there is no tension to think about what is going on in each other’s mind. The second benefit is faith. When you tell everything very openly, you are sending the message of faith. I have full faith in you. I feel totally open with you. I want to hide nothing from you.
How to react to your partner’s openness? Once your partner begins telling everything very openly, you will get many shocks. You never knew that he/she was thinking like this for some issue! What to do? First – appreciate the openness. If you are shocked with few thoughts, put yourself in his/her shoes in find out if you also don’t have opinions that may shock the other party? One must always think of two issues. 1) Who is the person who is holding the views that I don’t like? 2) Are the views more important or the person? Also think if you are always the best judge of views. Should you be deciding what is right and what is wrong? Do you change your opinions from time to time?
With the openness of thoughts, there will be no possibility of any conflict about suppressing your personality to keep the marriage alive. As both of you open up, discussions will improve in quality. And slowly both of you will begin understanding each other very well. As you come to know more about the true thoughts of your spouse, you will make efforts to see that he/she is not hurt by you unknowingly.
Respect the other person and his/her views and desires at all the times. If you feel bad about anything, tell. Don’t be quiet. Let the other partner know that you want her/him to change in certain areas. Request for change. In most of the relationships, people are unaware of the thoughts of their partner for a very long time. Both the parties suppress themselves to continue the facade of sharing and love. Such marriages may outwardly look successful, but give no happiness in life. Happiness and marriage of hearts comes only with openness and confidence about the relationship.
Talk this out with your spouse and if you feel that you should become more open with each other and proceed towards true sharing in every sense, please do. One compromises in every relationship in life. Should marriage also be one such relationship?